


to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield

by vulcanistics



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Exile, Fairy Tale Elements, Knights - Freeform, M/M, Magic-Users, eventual draxlembe and hommels if things go according to plan, is this slow burn? i think it is?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 08:25:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18028244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanistics/pseuds/vulcanistics
Summary: A lonely prince, a kingdom not his own, a charming court magician, a discovery of love.Once upon a time, there was a prince who was very unhappy.He was lonely and miserable, caught in a betrothal to a man who did not love him back. Knowing that he would never be happy in the marriage, he made plans to run away and escape his palace.Unfortunately, things did not go according to plan.





	to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I've written AUs in the footy fandom but I'm back. I hope you enjoy this royalty AU and like I have an outline, now I just got to stick to it and write the rest of the chapters. And hopefully, update regularly but I make no promises.
> 
> In my hurry to post, I nearly forgot, shout out and much love to Colleen, Meggie, A and Eyponine for reading this and being super encouraging and wonderful about the whole thing!
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction which never happened. I do not profit from this and I do not wish to offend or harm anyone. And in the words of the old adage, don't like, don't read ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
>  
> 
> Title is from “Ulysses” by Tennyson

Julian’s blade glinted brightly, its sharp edge resting against the intruder’s throat.

He blinked thrice: once, to chase the remnants of sleep away; twice, to adjust his sight to the darkness; and thrice, to stare down the intruder. In the spaces between his ribs, the old familiar urge to drop away, to escape, to back away from the fight stirred. There was a slight tremble in his left wrist. Julian frowned and curled his fingers into a fist. He couldn’t let the intruder see weakness, not when he had them pinned against the wall with a dagger to the throat.

He had been in bed, exhausted from the morning’s sparring session with Lena but unable to sleep, when he had heard his door creak open. The hinges had made a soft screeching sound as the door opened. Julian had frozen in place, hand tightening around the hilt of the dagger under his pillow. Only his years of training with the knights had prevented the cry for help from spilling from his lips.

Julian had frowned as he discreetly studied the figure. He was the second son and thus, not as important as Benedikt but he could not figure out why someone was creeping into his room. He was not important enough to be a target.

Breathing out through his nose, Julian had not wasted any time thinking about it though. Grabbing his dagger, that had belonged to his mother in her youth, Julian had thrown off his sheets and launched himself off the bed. Charging towards the intruder, he had sliced at the figure with his dagger but the person had neatly evaded all his blows. They had moved and dodged him with the air of someone who could predict an opponent’s moves with ease.  
  
The person had entered without setting off the magic wards on his room. That, coupled with the fact that the intruder had managed to get past his guards without alerting them was worrisome. Julian had to consider the possibility of magic and enchantments.

Maybe they were wearing a protective charm, Julian had thought as the person blocked another of his attacks, his dagger meeting nothing but cloth.  
  
The fight had taken him longer than he would have liked. Eventually, he had managed to shove the intruder up against the wall, bodily pinning them there with his dagger pressed to the person’s neck.

“Who are you? And how did you get in here?” Julian demanded and shifted the angle of the dagger against the intruder’s neck  
  
“Your Highness, it’s me,” The intruder rasped and Julian startled, pulling his dagger away in alarm.

Gently rubbing his throat in the darkness, the intruder continued, “Glad to know you still know how to wield a blade, Jule.”  
  
Julian snorted and stepped away. He knew that voice, and in hindsight, he realised that he should have recognised the intruder a lot earlier. He knew that body, even if it did looked leaner than before, and that style of fighting. Sead was here.  
  
Making his way to his bed, Julian slid his dagger back under the pillow before moving to his table to strike match and lit one of the lamps in his room. The lamp instantly brightened the room with warm yellow flickering light.

The intruder stepped out of the shadows, pushed back the hood of his cloak and grinned at Julian. Julian smiled in satisfaction.  
  
“Hey, Sead.”  
  
Specs of light from the lamp and the moon decorated Sead’s face.

Reaching out to flick Julian’s ear, Sead shook his head, “Couldn’t you have lit a lamp before you attacked me and destroyed my favourite cloak.”

“Couldn’t you have announced your arrival like a normal person,” Julian retorted, “Seriously, Sead, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Yeah, and you nearly killed me, so I guess we’re even now,” Sead retorted. “Also, I’m going to have a word with the King about changing your guards. Do you know how easy it was for me to sneak in? They were asleep, they didn’t even see me.”

“It’s okay, nobody going to come after me, I’m not that important to the kingdom. No idea why I thought you were an assassin coming to kill me,” Julian snorted, and grinned when Sead glared at the concealed deprecating remark.

Julian threw his arms around his best friend, and hugged him, smiling against his neck. He hadn’t seen Sead in months and he had missed him, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Sead knocked one of his knuckles against the back of Julian’s head. “Of course, I’m here, who else is going to stop you from doing something as dumb as running away?”

Julian grimaced, _great,_ so that was why Sead had come for him.

He had received word about Julian’s plan, and there was only one person who knew that Julian was thinking of running away.

He should have known that Lena would immediately send word for Sead, in fact, he had expected it but he hadn’t expected it to happen within a day.

Lena and Sead were both knights in the king’s service, but they were a lot more than that to Julian. They were his closest confidants, his childhood best friends who had stuck to his side through the years. He had grown up with them. He had trained with them in the courtyard, snuck them into the kitchens in order to steal food for their midnight parties in Julian's room, danced with both of them at any celebration his family threw.

When they had been knighted, Julian had stood beside his father and clapped till his hands ached. His cheeks had hurt from the amount he had smiled that day.

If Julian had had his way, he would have preferred telling Lena and Sead at the same time. It would have been less troublesome and less difficult that way, but Sead had been away from the castle. He had been assigned to the task of looking into the matter of a mysterious bandit who was terrorising a distant mining village in the kingdom, therefore Julian made the decision to tell Lena first.

He had let it slip to Lena while they had been sparring together, which was probably poor timing on his part. Lena had been upset. The lift of her eyebrow and the downturned frown indicated her disapproval but she hadn’t said anything immediately. Instead, she had continued sparring him with increased ferocity and had disarmed him with ease. Julian had stared up at her from the floor, upper body aching, and Lena had scowled and called him a poor decision maker before stalking out of the yard.

It was the reaction he had expected. Julian had realised that the moment he told them they would do everything in their power to stop him. A sensible person would have understood that and not said anything, but Julian couldn’t bring himself to go without an explanation. That was also why he had written a letter to his family a few weeks back. He had poured out his feelings into the letter and had hidden in an envelope under a loose board in his wardrobe. It was there waiting for Julian to retrieve it whenever his time came to use it. But if his friends had their way there would not be cause for that.

Julian groaned and stepped away from Sead. He had been friends with Lena and Sead for years, and ever since he had made the decision to run away, he had been dreading telling them about his plan. He knew that they would disapprove, and he had been proven right. They were, after all, knights. He knew they would try to talk him out of it as it was their responsibility to intervene and interfere in matters of the kingdom’s security. A runaway prince was definitely under their jurisdiction.

Lena had disapproved and had brought in the whole cavalry to make that clear to Julian.

“Lena,” Julian said.

“Yeah, Lena. Do you know she didn’t bother with a messenger pigeon or a letter, she came straight to get me? I saw her leading her horse through the village and I knew you had done something.”

“Where is she? Did she come back with you?”

“Yes, she did. She’s exhausted but a day of riding does that to you. She’s putting the horses in the stable, and then, she’s going to join me in yelling at you. Running away, Julian, what’s wrong with you?”

“Seo, I’m not going to marry for the kingdom,” Julian said with a sigh, pressing his fingers to his temples.

“What’s wrong with the Prince of Wolfsburg? He’s always been fond of you,” Lena interrupted, pushing the door open and striding into Julian’s bedroom, still wearing her riding gear.

Sparing a glance towards Sead, Lena frowned, “We’ve got to do something about those guards. Granted we’re not threats and they would have let us in but they’re asleep on duty.”

Sead grinned smugly, “That’s exactly what I was telling Julian.”

“Leave it, they’re tired, it’s fine. It’s nothing of consequence,” Julian said, smiling as his gaze swept from Lena to Sead.

He perched on the edge of his bed and wrapped his arms around his knees. His best friends were with him and everything was a mess, but their presence made him feel less miserable.

Lena narrowed her eyes at him and sat down beside him, “Julian, what’s wrong? I thought you liked the Prince of Wolfsburg.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“So, then why do you want to run away?” Lena asked, confusion spreading across her face.

The corner of Julian’s lips curled up into a bitter smile. “I like him, but not enough to marry him, and besides, I can’t marry a man who loves someone else.”

Sead and Lena gasped. Lena’s hand tightened around the hilt of her sword and Julian shot her pointed glare.

Clearing his throat, he shrugged and continued, “He told me about the affair himself. Wrote me a letter. But he wants to keep it a secret and marry me regardless of that because that’s the right thing to do for the alliance between our kingdoms.”

“Lena or I could always dispose of his lover, you know?” Sead suggested, leaning against the bed frame, “You just have to give us the command.”

“I’m not looking for a war with Wolfsburg or Munich. I don’t think my father would be too happy about that.”

“His lover’s from Munich? He’s powerful, then?” Lena asked, the questions betraying what she really wanted to know ‒ the person’s identity but Julian had made a promise not to reveal the intricate details of the affair. He wasn’t going to take the bait.

“That’s putting it lightly,” Julian scoffed.

Julian fell silent and looked down at the floor. He didn't want his best friends to see the pain in his eyes.

When he was younger, Julian had dreamt of love and wedding, but in those dreams, he had never been a pawn for inter-kingdom politics. He had been certain that he would only marry for love, would find a person who would love him back fiercely and passionately and he would be happy.

Unfortunately, his childhood dreams had faded away with every new person he had taken into his bed, and then, five months ago, his father had announced his betrothal to the Prince of Wolfsburg during dinner. Julian’s fork had clattered to the floor and he had stared at his father in shock. His father had paused his speech to admonish him for his clumsiness, before continuing to talk about the engagement. His mother had smiled at him across the table, Benni had said nothing, and Julian had choked back on the cries of protest. There was no way his father would listen.

The match with Wolfsburg was mutually beneficial for all parties involved, especially in the face of a possible war with Dortmund. Their kingdom needed the reinforcements and marriage was the answer. Julian said nothing, smiling politely at his family before excusing himself. He had retreated into his bedroom and sobbed till he had no tears left.

And then, to make matters worse, the Prince of Wolfsburg had sent him an apologetic letter, speaking about the lover he’d been seeing for years, but indicating his willingness to marry Julian nonetheless. Julian was tired and his friends needed to understand why running away was his best option.

He looked up at Sead and smiled apologetically, eyes shining with a hint of tears, “I can’t go ahead with this marriage.”  

Sead sighed and sat down beside Julian as Lena wrapped an arm around him to pull him into a one-armed hug.

“Do you remember when we were kids and you were excited about getting married? You couldn’t wait to find your one true love and marry them,” Sead said.

Julian nodded, “Yeah, I remember. Then, I had a string of lovers, and now, I'm engaged to someone I don’t love. Guess I’ve finally realised what my father’s been telling me ever since I was a kid. True love is a damn fairy tale, and I’m not in a one.” Julian choked on a sob, the tears burned in his eyes and he furiously wiped them away with the back of his hand.

He smiled bitterly, “And now, if I don’t disappear, I’m going to get stuck in a miserable marriage with a man who loves someone else. Dreams really do come true after all.”

Sead squeezed reached out to gently squeeze Julian’s arm, “I leave you for a couple of months and you get replaced by a lonelier and sadder version of His Royal Highness Julian Draxler.”

“A pointless engagement will do that to you. Do you see why I have to run away?”

“No, I really don’t,” Sead replied.

Lena dropped her hand from Julian's back and leaned forward to look him in the face.

“Julian,” she began, taking one of his hands into hers and squeezing it, “Jule, What good is running away going to do? Where were you even going to go? No matter how far you got, the knights would find you and bring you home, Sead and I would find you. Your brother would cast a spell and find you easily.”

Julian shrugged, he hadn’t worked out all the details of the plan, hadn’t thought about where to go, where to hide, how to hide from Benni’s magic.

“I have no idea, but I need to leave, Sead. This castle is too big for me, I’ve had enough,” Julian cried out, his voice cracking, revealing more of his internal despair than he had intended.

Sead and Lena looked shocked at his outburst, and Julian closed his eyes. “Nobody’s asking me what I want. Nobody’s letting me do what I want to do. And all I want is to get away and be myself.”

“You’re serious about this,” Sead said slowly, realisation dawning across his face, “It’s not just the marriage, it’s everything,”

Julian nodded. There were many things Julian wanted to tell Sead and Lena.

He wanted to convey the absolute panic and anxiety that had been twisting itself into a tight coil in his stomach ever since he was a teenager. He wanted to talk about the nights when Sead and Lena weren’t around when he would go to the library in the western tower of the castle and stare out at the kingdom, tears streaming down his face because his father’s gaze had passed over him at dinner again. He wanted to tell them that Benni seemed different lately. His brother barely spoke to him anymore, he was either too caught up in matters of the kingdom or disappearing at the oddest moments.

“It’s everything,” Julian finally said, opening his eyes to look at Sead.

Sead stared back at him, his gaze warm and soft with compassion, and he nodded his head once. He turned his body to face Julian and gripped Julian’s shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly before pulling him into a tight hug. Lena leaned in, too, wrapping her arms around both of them. When they broke the hug, Lena’s face was lined with tension and determination.

“Okay, we’re fixing this. Not immediately. obviously, not tomorrow, but eventually, you have to tell your parents that you don't want to marry the Prince of Wolfsburg.”

Sead nodded in agreement, adding, “You're the prince, you're their son, they have to listen to–”

Julian shook his head, lips curled into a small and pained smile. His friends had too much faith in the King. “You want me to actually look them in the eye and see their disappointment? That sounds like a horrible plan.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Lena asked.

“I don't know? They could bring the wedding date forward, they could ignore me, they could disinherit me, they could banish me from the kingdom. The possibilities are endless.”

“Banishment wouldn't be that bad,” Sead began with a slow smirk, “It would save you from the trouble of running away undercover, you'd actually have permission from the King. And I'd know where you were.”

“Small mercies,” Julian laughed.  

Sead punched Julian’s shoulder affectionately, “We’ll figure this out, Julian. But not right now, because the exhaustion is finally hitting me. I need to sleep. And you should probably go back to bed.”

“Will both of you stay tonight?” Julian asked quietly. He wanted them to stay, wanted their comfort and companionship, but he wasn’t about to go around making that obvious. He didn’t want to plead.

Lena and Sead exchanged a glance and grinned.

Standing up to remove her deep blue cloak and her sword, Lena shot him a smirk, “You know we’re never going to turn down the offer to spend time with you, right? You have the most beautiful bed we’ve ever seen, after your father’s, of course.”

“That’s why you're friends with me. For my bed.”

Sead laughed as he kicked off his shoes, “Did you think it was because of your good looks?”

Julian half-heartedly threw a pillow and Sead which he caught with ease.

Sticking his tongue out to Julian, Sead climbed into the bed with a smile and said, “Speaking of beds, remember that time you snuck us into your parents’ room and we jumped up and down on their bed to test if the rumours about it were true.”

“And my mother caught us? And scolded me? Yeah, I remember, she didn’t tell my father though.”

“Probably because Sead and I were terrified that he’d behead us and you begged her not to tell him,” Lena remarked drily, and gently ruffled Julian’s hair and laughed as he failed to dodge her hand, “Come on, let’s go to sleep, we’ll come up with a solution tomorrow.”

Lena put out the lamp, pitching the room into darkness. Julian pushed himself up his bed, giggling when he accidentally elbowed Sead in the face and received a retaliatory shove. Curling up between his best friends, Julian smiled softly to himself. Maybe this was the push he had been looking for, maybe now he wouldn’t be so terrified of telling his father the truth about what he wanted.

Hope was a beautiful thing.

 

#### ‒‒‒

 

Today was the day. Today was the day he was going to tell his father that he wasn’t going to marry the Prince of Wolfsburg. Sead, Lena and he had been deliberating about the situation for the past three days, trying to figure out a course of action that wouldn’t be disastrous. Julian hoped his father was in a good mood because their plan relied on clear direct communication and honesty.

Julian breathed out a sigh and stared at the clothes in his wardrobe. A flash of blue caught his eye. There was a new shirt in with the rest of the garments that he cannot remember seeing the night before. Pulling it out, Julian stifled a gasp.

The shirt was exquisite – a rich cobalt blue with tiny leaves embroidered around the collar of the shirt in threads of navy blue and silver. Leon had outdone himself, Julian thought as he ran his fingers over the shirt, tracing the delicate embroidery with wonder. Leon must have placed it in his wardrobe before he woke up.

Julian smirked as he discarded his night garments and pulled on the shirt and a pair of black pants, he would have to thank Leon in an appropriate manner at a later time. If the meeting with his father went well, Julian could summon the dressmaker to his quarters. He had been distracted with other things in his life and it had been a while since Julian had invited Leon into his bed. Maybe Leon would appreciate it if he wore the shirt while he fucked him.

Julian stared at himself in his mirror as he laced up the neck of the shirt and tied the cords together in a loose bow. The shirt fit him perfectly, cinched at his waist with a black cord,  loose airy sleeves that ended inches above his waist.

There was a sharp knock on the door, but before Julian could give the command to enter, the door opened and his brother stuck his head around the door.

Benedikt smiled at him softly, “Good. You’re up. Father’s asking for you.”

A wave of panic flared up somewhere in the middle of his chest. Surely his father hadn’t found out. The only people who knew about Julian wanting to break off his betrothal were Sead and Lena and they would never betray his trust.

Benedikt must have noticed his odd expression because his smile faded away as stepped into Julian’s room.

“Jule. Is everything okay?”

Julian nodded slowly and tried to plaster on a smile. “Did he say why?”

“No, he just stopped me in the hallway and told me to get you.”

Benedikt shook his head, casting an assessing look around Julian’s room. Julian shifted on his feet nervously, it had been ages since Benni had entered his room. Benni picked up a framed photo of the Royal Family from Julian’s table and smiled, before turning to look at Julian.

He frowned and said, “He wouldn’t say why. He just had an envelope in his hand, probably state affairs.”

An envelope. The colour drained from Julian’s face.

“No,” Julian gasped.

Spinning around, Julian dropped to his knees and felt along the floor of his wardrobe. One of the boards at the bottom shifted in his hand. Julian desperately felt along the hollow space, eyes closed in silent prayer. There was nothing there. His letter was gone and there was only one other person beside him who touched his wardrobe.

Leon.

Julian felt tears prick his eyes as he scrunched up his fingers in the fabric of his shirt. Leon must have noticed it when he came to place the shirt in his wardrobe.

He sat down on the ground, feeling like a collapsed house of cards. Benedikt was immediately by his side, hands gripping his shoulders. He lifted Julian up and tugged him to the bed.

“Julian, what’s wrong?” Benedikt asked, worry lacing his voice.

“I’m fucked, oh god,” Julian mumbled, blinking away the tears from his eyes.

He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to cry over the fact that his father knew. Leon had given his father Julian’s letter about his decision to run away. He wasn’t going to cry. It wasn’t going to help the situation. It certainly threw a wrench into his carefully thought out plan.

Julian bitterly remembered the mock-sessions with Lena and Sead pretending to be his father. They had accounted for everything except the possibility of his father finding out before he could tell him himself. If he survived his father’s reaction, he was going to kill Leon. Unless Sead and Lena got to him first.

Benedikt made a frustrated sound next to him, “Julian, you look as though you’re minutes away from passing out. Should I get the doctor? Are you ill?”

Julian snorted and turned to flash a smile at his older brother. Benni was watching him with a confused but concerned gaze, almost sympathetic. It had been a while since Benni and he had spent time together. Julian was suddenly tempted to ask his brother about it but Benni didn’t deserve that. He was Crown Prince, destined to bear the weight of the kingdom on his shoulder, expected to grow up before his time. Julian couldn’t fault Benni for doing his duty.

“You’ll find out soon enough. Come on, His Majesty awaits us,” Julian said with a pained smile.

Benni laughed and squeezed Julian’s shoulder, “I’m sure it’s nothing too bad.”

If only Benni knew the whole truth, Julian thought as he followed his brother out of his room.

  


The guard bowed her head to them before knocking on the door to their father’s office open, “Your Majesty, the Princes are here.”

“Send them in,” came the reply.

Benedikt stepped forward and shoved at the doors. The doors swung open to reveal the King’s office. In the middle of the room was the mahogany table from which the King conducted most of his businesses that did not require the presence of the court. Their mother was seated at one of the chairs in front of the table and when they entered, she turned to look back at them. Her eyes were shining with tears, Julian realised with dismay.

Leon was also in the room, standing in the centre of the room, at a respectable distance from the King’s table. He was dressed in the dark blue tunic with a white collar that identified him as a member of the palace staff. His back was turned towards them but Julian knew what Leon looked like and he had expected him to be there anyway. Benedikt hadn’t, given the way he narrowed his eyes at Leon as he made his way to sit beside their mother.

The King, their father, stood up and in his hand was Julian’s letter. Julian’s breath caught in his throat. He was not going to cry.

“Julian, stop lingering by the door and come read this,” commanded his father.

Every inch of his body screamed at him to run away and avoided the confrontation. Still, one couldn’t disobey a direct command from the king. He breathed out through his mouth and strode ahead. He brushed his shoulder against Leon as he walked to stand behind the table, next to his father.

“Jule, your shirt.”

Julian’s lips set into a tight line as he heard Leon’s quiet mumble from behind him. He wasn’t going to look at Leon, wasn’t going to dignify him with even a glance in his direction. It was purely ironic that he was wearing the best outfit Leon had ever created for him on the very day Leon had unwittingly messed everything up.

Taking the letter from his father with trembling fingers, Julian scanned the familiar words without paying much attention to what was written. He knew what was in his hands. He had written the letter in a fit of desperation and had spend week after week reading and reading it again. His eyes skimmed past the lines about running away, about being tired, about wanting to be himself again, about wanting to breathe. The letter ended with him telling his family that he loved them and that he was sorry. At the bottom of the page was his signature.

Julian swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up from the paper. His father was watching him with an assessing gaze.

“Did you write that letter or did this dressmaker fake the letter? Is this some ridiculous lover's spat? What did you do to upset him?” The King asked, sighing wearily.

Julian’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that, hadn’t even realised that his father knew exactly who he was taking to his bed, or who he used to take to bed. He should have been more careful.

Letting out a breath, he shifted his gaze to Leon, finally looking at him. Leon was staring straight at him, the lines of his face as defiant and determined as always. If he was wanted to, he could put the blame on Leon and say that he never wrote the letter in his hand. Leon would be fired but Julian would survive. It would be easy to feign ignorance and deny the fact that it was his writing, his words, his voice, his feelings. It would also probably cement his marriage and then, there would be no going back.

“I wrote the letter and I meant it,” Julian said without tearing his gaze away from Leon's face, “But I did not intend for you to see it till I was ready. Till I was ready to tell you myself.”

“So, it's true then? Everything you've written in the letter,” his mother said flatly.

“Julian, what are you talking about? What is going on? What is in that letter and why is Leon here?” Benedikt asked, his frustrated voice cutting through the tension, drawing everyone’s attention to him.

“Leon brought me this letter today morning,” The King began, pulling the letter from Julian's hands and handing it over to Benedikt, “He said he found it amongst Julian's things. I would have reprimanded him for the invasion of privacy but I was distracted by what your brother had written. Did you know your brother hates living here, hates the palace? He’s been planning on running away for a couple of weeks now Apparently he has no intentions of marrying the Prince of Wolfsburg. Did you know that your brother thinks it's perfectly fine for him to hurt his family like this? Did you–”

The King stopped abruptly, pausing in the middle of his tirade to sit back down in his chair and bury his face in his hands.

“No,” Benni breathed out, looking up from the letter with a distressed expression, “Julian, I didn’t know. You should have said something.”

Julian bit back a snort, Benni had no right to be upset that he had chosen not to confide in him.

He shrugged, “I barely see you anymore, Benni, and that’s fine. You’re the Crown Prince after all. But when was I supposed to tell you that I didn’t want to marry the Wolfsburg prince? And how? Everyone was so happy about the engagement.”

“Yes, because we need allies,” The Queen remarked, rising to her feet, “It’s a wonderful match.”

Julian blinked back the furious tears that were threatening to spring. He could feel himself unravelling, shards spilling out from the hollow of his chest, his breathing felt erratic.

The day had not gone the way he had hoped it would but he had somehow managed to find himself where he was supposed to he – arguing with his parents in an attempt to convince them to break the engagement.

Curling his hands into a fist, Julian lifted his chin and stared at his mother. “And I’m not a pawn. I wrote that I was going to run away, but I wrote that weeks ago. I changed my mind about it. Figured I’d give communication a shot, actually tell my family what it is that I want. Thought that maybe running away was a cowardly and cruel thing to do,” Julian fixed his gaze on Leon, “Did you know that I had changed my mind? Or, did you find the letter today morning and think that you had a right to go to the King?”

“Your Highness– Julian–” Leon pleaded but Julian shook his head.

Silencing him with a sharp glare, Julian continued with a bitter smile, “I was going to tell them today about me not wanting to marry. I had a plan and everything, but, of course, you made sure that by the time I got to them, they would be past the point of reason.”

“Julian, that’s enough. You will not speak to the employees in that tone. That will be all, you may return to your quarters, Leon.” The King commanded.

Leon nodded and curtsied before the King. The corners of his lips were downturned into an apologetic frown and his eyes were dull.

Before Leon could turn away, Julian asked quietly, “Why did you give my father the letter?”  

The anger from earlier had suddenly deserted him, leaving him with a hum of hurt below his skin.

“I didn't want you to leave, Your Highness. I’m sorry.”

Julian snorted and shook his head, “I was leaving, anyway, I was getting married.”

“And yet, you were still sleeping with someone from the palace staff,” His father remarked sharply, standing behind his desk, arms folded across his chest.

Julian winced and thought of the Wolfsburg prince and his lover from Munich. Maybe his father would be less harsh on him, but Julian wasn’t about to reveal the secrets of the monarchs of the other kingdoms.

His father levelled Leon with a look. Clearing his throat, he said, “Leon, I trust that was has transpired today will be reported back to the rest of the staff.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Good. Now if you will kindly see yourself out, there are a few matters that I need to settle.”

Leon bowed his head and hurried out the door. Julian did not watch him go.

The silence in the room was heavy, weighing down on the shoulders of the Royal Family. Julian could taste the weariness in the air. This was not how he had wanted the day to go. He had not planned for this.

“What are we going to do about you, Julian?” His mother asked, her calm voice dispersing the thick tension.

“Do you know what an embarrassment this is to us? Everyone’s going to think your engagement fell apart because the Prince of Wolfsburg found out about your promiscuous ways.”

Julian’s eyes snapped up at the word, cheeks flaming a pink, but before he could say anything, Benni was leaning across the table, palms spread flat on the wood. Benni narrowed his eyes at their father.

“Promiscuous?” He repeated.

“That’s what they’re calling him in the streets. The King’s second son. Skilful swordsman. Brilliant scholar. Promiscuous prince. This kingdom has many gossips. When did you become such a problem, Julian?”

“Father, stop it. He’s not a problem. Julian is not the problem. The problem is that we’re forcing him into a marriage he doesn’t want. The problem is that we had to find that out from a letter,” Benni said brusquely.

Julian stared at his older brother in surprise. Benedikt’s cheeks were flushed pink, which was understandable because he rarely lost his temper. He was always calm and in control of his emotions, measured in his speech and temperament. It was one of the many reasons why Julian knew Benni would make a magnificent king when he took the throne. Benni thought things through, he didn’t go around snapping at people, unless provoked, and he never spoke against their father.

Their father scowled and turned to look back at Julian, “What is the problem with the Prince of Wolfsburg? You didn't explain that in the letter.”

“Nothing, there’s nothing wrong with him,” Julian replied. He couldn't reveal the private affairs of the other prince, Julian refused to do that.

Sighing, Julian ran his fingers through his hair, “I’m not– he’s not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“And couldn’t you have told us this before, Julian. Saved us from the embarrassment of publicly announcing that we won’t be having a royal wedding anymore because Prince Julian changed him mind.”

“I never changed my mind because I never wanted it in the first place. Nobody asked me. Nobody asked Benni if he would marry the Prince of Wolfsburg. Everyone assumed it would be me. Is it because you wanted to send me away from the castle? Because I'm– what did you call me– the promiscuous son? Everyone assumed that I would go along with it because that's what a prince does, right? And you're the King. You wouldn't have listened to me because you never listen to us. You only rule and instruct and order,” Julian lashed out.

His chest cracked open with the pressure of the years of locked away emotions till he was left breathing heavily as he met his father's stare.

His father was looking at him with a mixture of hurt and sorrow, mouth turned into a thin tight line. His mother had her hand over her mouth and she was shaking her head slightly. Benni's shoulders were tight with tension and his face was blank.

Julian breathed out and tried to blink away the tears. He knew he had gone too far. He hasn't meant to ever say that to his father.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and bowed his head, “I’m sorry, I didn't–”

His father sat down in his chair and opener one of his desk drawers, shuffling the sheets of  paper he drew out from them.

Without glancing in Julian's direction, the King unscrewed an ink pot and said, “I’ll send word to Wolfsburg that the marriage is off due to unavoidable circumstances. Since you seem to have an issue with us taking a decision on your behalf, I'll ask you myself. How do you want us to deal with your scandal?”

Julian cocked his head. He could hear the challenge in his father's tone. He glanced out the window of his father's office and remembered his conversation with Sead. They had been so hopeful that his father would understand and he had, to some extent.

For the first time in forever, Julian's future was in his own hands. Looking out of the window, at the sun that was high in the sky, Julian thought of the streets and the houses that he knew like the back of his hand. He thought about the mines and the marketplace. His father did not know about the friends Julian had made, people scattered across different walks of life, from various parts of the kingdom. Julian wondered if any of them would miss him. He thought about Sead, Lena, Benni, his parents, the knights and the palace staff. Sead was going to hate the fact that he had put the idea into Julian's head.

A shaky smile spread across his face. He was going to be brave even if this was the scariest thing he had ever done.

“Don’t deal with it, let them talk, I'll be long gone by then,” Julian answered.

His father jerked his head towards him in surprise. Raising his eyebrows, he slowly put down his quill and fixed his gaze on Julian.

“Explain yourself.”

“If I were to disappear for a few years, people wouldn't eventually stop talking about me. The scandal would be forgotten in favour of something else.”

“Julian, no,” Benedikt murmured, staring at him with wide-eyes.

Julian smiled, this was a bad idea and maybe he would regret it, maybe he wouldn't be able to survive out there in the world, but there was no other option.

“Your Majesty, you should exile me for a couple of years.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it or if you have thoughts, do leave kudos, comments, and critique, thank you!


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